So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
