So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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