people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This baby is an asshole
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize