I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
