honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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