You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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