Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
