I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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