No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize