You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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