just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
