you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize