So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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