So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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