Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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