You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
