saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
