dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
