I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
