and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
