cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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