i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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