I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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