I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
