And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
