I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
