Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize