new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
