How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
...so i touched it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
