Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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