It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
