you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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