he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
