I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
