I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
