How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
