he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
