butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
