So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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