Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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