Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize