Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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