i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Green mimosas i think yes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
