Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
