well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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