are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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