DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
