God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
