tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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