it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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