No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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