Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
