Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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