if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
