Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
