I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize