My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
