I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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