The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
