sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
